5 Questions
That Will Change Your Life
1.SECURITY: Who can I trust?
It’s wisest to place your security in people who have earned your trust. This includes people:
- who respect you
- don’t ask you to do something you feel uncomfortable doing
- accept you for who you are
- encourage and even teach you how to keep improving
- build you up rather than tear you down
- stand by you when the going gets tough
- are there for you when you need them.
There’s someone else to trust – yourself. Can you trust yourself to be trustworthy toward others? In other words, how many things in the list above do you do?
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2.IDENTITY: Who am I?
Who are you….really?
Who you think you are is who you will become.
Identity controls behavior!
You must pay attention to what you believe! Don’t believe lies! Since identity controls behavior, you benefit from having a complete, current, and positive view of yourself.
Who are you listening to? Who are you allowing to have a voice in your life? Do they deserve to be telling you who you are? Should you believe them? What about what you say to yourself, at the end of a long day? Do you build yourself up with positive truth?
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3.BELONGING: Who wants me?
Everyone needs to be wanted. Security and identity have a lot to do with meeting your need to belong. When you can trust yourself and other trustworthy people, your need for belonging will be met in healthy ways. And, when your identity is positive, other kids with positive traits will want you.
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4.PURPOSE: Why am I alive?
Did you know that you were created on purpose for a purpose! And, because you’re a unique miracle, no one else may be able to do what you’ve been created to do.
When you can’t think of good reasons to be alive, check your security, identity, and belonging. A lack of healthy purpose often results when these first three needs are not being met in healthy ways.
You are alive to make a positive difference in the world. You are alive to help other people.
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5.COMPETENCE: What do I do well?
You have a need to do things well. This doesn’t mean you need to be perfect. Trying to be perfect actually causes a lot of people to give up. It is much wiser to have competence as your goal.
You can meet your need for competence in many areas, such as, academics, athletics, drama and music, behavior, and character qualities (e.g., generosity, kindness, dependability).
Basing your competence on a comparison with others is dangerous. There will always be others who are more “this” or better at “that.” Compare yourself to your former self instead.
Summary
Remember, if you don’t know:
Who you can trust
Who you are
Who wants you
Why you are alive
What you do well
you may be tempted to meet these five needs in less than positive ways – in hurtful, harmful, and even self-destructive ways, such as, sex outside of marriage, alcohol, drugs, bullying, gangs, etc. Choose to meet these legitimate needs in authentic, healthy ways.
When you do know:
Who you can trust
Who you are
Who wants you
Why you are alive
What you do well
you can be free to make wise decisions, discover more of your strengths, have healthy relationships, and make a positive difference in the world through the use of your skills, abilities, and talents.
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© 2005, Kathy Koch, Ph.D., Celebrate Kids, Inc.
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